Skipped a post on my Brithday

Yesterday was my birthday and I had a good day. I took the day off work and just spent it with myself. It was my day to be selfish. The kids were at daycare all day and I just did what ever I wanted. This is something I rarely get to do, I am hardly ever alone anymore (except when I am working, but then I am not doing the things I want to do). I don't mind celebrating with my family but really anymore it is a special treat to have some time to myself where I can watch the TV I want and do the things I want without interruptions.

So Aaron took me to breakfast at Perkin's and I had eggs Benedict with potatoes and a muffin. Then I went shopping, first Walmart (because the Mall wasn't open yet) then to the Mall for some clothes shopping and project shopping at the fabric store. I got myself a DC Americano at the coffee shop and came home and crafted. I got a cupcake at Walmart and enjoyed it thoroughly. I bought some fabric and a pattern for a dress I'm going to make to wear in Mexico on our trip. I hope I can find time to finish it before we go.

So with a little splurging yesterday and some this weekend I'll have to work on getting back on track on Monday. Tonight we are going to DQ for icecream with the family. Then this weekend we are doing a progressive dinner with our friends and we are hosting dessert. So I am making my Mom's Grandmother's sour milk cake for my birthday cake.

January 30, 2015
2 piece turkey bacon
4 piece cheese
Grapefruit
Mandarin Orange
Almond granola bar
DC coffee
2 cup weightless tea
Few almonds
3 mini peppers
Chicken artichoke soup
Coconut milk with stevia and cocoa
3 cheese stick wrapped in Prosciutto ham (this is another one of those heavenly concoctions that is out of this world, if you like this sort of thing)
2 piece SF candy

Dinner

Forgot the spinach and stress ate

Well I went to the store yesterday after I picked up the kids and lost my list. So I had to go by memory and I totally forgot the spinach.When I have the kids with me and no list it is a recipe for disaster at the store. I just can't keep my mind on the shopping. So I tried my best to get the things I remembered we needed, but forgot the most integral item to help keep me on track. Spinach!

Anyway, yesterday was a rough day.My youngest was home sick and was irritable all day. My husband is out of town and I didn't have that relief. I was just on edge all day and a bit stressed by the kids and getting dinner together. We also had swimming lessons and getting them fed and ready for that and out the door is a nightmare, especially by myself. I often wonder how single mothers do it.

So by the time the kids were put to bed I was ready to relax! So I took a pill and then went to the cupboard. I ate all the chocolate I could find, some cookies, then pretzel chips and butter. I think there was a SF hot chocolate in there too. Anyway, I stress eat and this was a night I did that.

I am really looking forward to tomorrow. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I am taking the whole day off. The kids will be at daycare all day and I am just going to have the whole day to myself. My husband is taking me out to breakfast (without the kids) to Perkins. I know it isn't the classiest place, but hey, it's what we have in my town. I can't wait! I may do some shopping, watch TV, do some crafting. I don't know, but it will be a day all to myself, and that is what I want for my birthday. Oh, and I'm going to get a DQ Blizzard too!

202 on the scale this morning
January 28, 2015
HB egg
2 piece turkey bacon
4 piece cheese
DC coffee
2 cup Weightless tea
2 small handful almonds
Piece Swiss cheese
4 blue cheese stuffed olives
3 piece celery with peanut butter
Zucchini with re-fried black beans and pesto yogurt dip
4 SF candies
Diet coke
Salmon and roasted broccoli
Almonds
Cheese bread (2 pieces)
SF ice cream treat
Fruit snack (3 pieces)

Ok, starting over, eating like a hot chick

Ok, I feel like I'm starting over. I need to go get some spinach. I read this book once "How to eat like a Hot Chick". It was one of those frank girlfriend talk diet books that had a curvy pinup girl on the cover. It was an interesting read and what I took away from it was eat a lot of spinach and don't eat cheese or oil. I think it was targeted for single women who like to have a good time and drink because there were a lot of examples that said something along the lines of: if you go out drinking and over indulge then just eat a giant bowl of spinach the next day. For some reason the author's answer to everything was spinach. I was really into making my own salads at the time, so spinach was right up my alley.

So, that is what I am thinking, I need to detox with salad. But, this morning I did have some left over waffles from this weekend. Just a quarter of one that the kids were eating...and I paid for it. Have I lamented yet about my realization that I can no longer partake in breakfast quick cakes? No more pancakes, no more waffles. Muffins seem to be ok, but for some reason those things rip up my guts. I get the poos soon after eating them. This morning it was maybe 30 minutes until I felt my guts turning. This really sucks! I don't know what is in them that does this to me. Maybe gluten, butter milk powder? I don't get such a violent reaction when I eat other things with gluten so I just don't get it. Doughnuts give me severe heartburn even with the medication I take.


January 27, 2015
3 piece turkey bacon
HB egg
1/4 waffle with little syrup
4 piece cheese
Cheese stick
L/O chicken soup with added tofu
Cojita cheese
Refried black beans and pesto dip
2 SF  candies
SF hot chocolate
SF ice cream treat
Corn chips
Cheese stick
Piece of cheese
Hand full of almonds
Vegetarian Chili
Green beans
6 Hershey Kisses 
Marshallow
5 cookies
Pretzel chips and butter

What did I do?

Last night I made some really poor choices. Not with eating, but with drinking. And I always seem to do this when my husband leaves town. I put the kids to bed early and then started drinking. I drank a whole bottle of shitty white wine (I bought it to cook with a while ago and didn't end up making the recipe), and something like 5 shots of alcohol.

I was wasted! And I ended up barfing last night. All in the toilet, I actually made myself puke the first few times then it just came on its own. My youngest woke up crying and I had to try and pull it together to comfort her. And today is rough, I a hung over and being a parent when you are hung over is not fun. Plus I have to try and work. What was I thinking?

I'm sure many people ask themselves this question after doing something stupid like that. I  guess I just have to remember this feeling and not do it again. My guts are a wreck now too, so I'm not going to be good at keeping to Phase I today. I am just going to have to eat what will feel good in my stomach. It's times like these I wish I could more readily smoke pot. I miss it sometimes. Why is alcohol more acceptable than pot? I mean, look at all the damage drinking does to your body. Pot just seems like such a better alternative.

January 26, 2015
HB egg
Cinnamon bread
2 piece turkey bacon
Cheese
Crackers and hummus and chicken salad
Chicken noodle soup

Almonds 

Piece Swiss cheese 

Pop corn with coconut oil and garlic season salt

I was incredibly terrible today! I can hardly believe I did this! But I am going to chalk it up to the hangover and laziness on my part and not wanting to cook dinner. I am so bad when my husband is out of town. 

I took the kids (and myself) to MCDONALD'S!

Big Mac and fries with a diet Coke

This place has gotten so bad. I don't remember it being this bad when I was younger. Maybe my tastes have changed but really the burgers there are gross.

Anyway that is my digression and I will get back on the horse tomorrow.

We keep getting invitations to drink

Our friends invited us over to drink wine tonight. Then they canceled because they are sick. When you are trying to not drink, it seems like there is alcohol everywhere. Well, we already had a baby sitter scheduled so my husband and I have decided to go to a movie, which we NEVER get to do. Now I just have to be good at the movie theater and not indulge in the candy and pop corn treats.

I did ask if some of our other friends wanted to meet us out for drinks after the movie, but I haven't confirmed with them yet. And that is my doing. Maybe I can just refrain from drinking and get by with a soda water or something.

I need to get those vegetables cut so I don't break and munch down on those crackers again. Plus we have these left over meat balls in the fridge and I want to make meatball calzones for dinner tonight.

January 23, 2015
Yogurt with stevia and a little honey
2 piece turkey bacon 
HB egg
DC coffee
SF hot chocolate
2 cup tea
Nuts
3 piece Havarti cheese
Meatball

Cheese stick

I had trouble keeping track today. It was a bit of a strange day. I had a DC coffee at caribou with my kids (they both had hot chocolate) but I munched all day on random stuff because I didn't have lunch. I had  to pick them up early from daycare and didn't have time to eat.

Meatball calzone with pesto 

This was a lot of bread and I know it. But we needed to eat the leftover meatballs and I couldn't think of anything else to do with them. 

Drinking! I needed some alachol tonight! I got my period and the kids were driving me NUTS! Wine, several glasses, 4 shots alachol, some spiked cherries.

Tomorrow will be better. 

Something weird is going on

This morning after breakfast I started to see spots. It was weird! I lost my peripheral vision on my right side. It went away when I got home from dropping the kids off at day care but then I got nauseous. I never puked, but now I am light headed and feel like I have a slight headache. I am not sure what to make of this, if anything, am I having a stroke? Maybe I should look that up.

I have a headache now and feel drowsy and a little dizzy, maybe I just need to put myself down for a little nap. 

In the evening I had a pounding headache. I powered through it but as I'm sitting in bed I can really feel it. I also just felt out of it the whole night. I can't explain what is going on. Maybe a good night sleep will help.

January 22, 2014
6 egg cups (I really needed to just finish these off, next time I will freeze some)
2 piece turkey bacon
Cutie orange
4 slice cheese
2 cup tea
3 cup DC coffee
Cottage cheese
Chunk of cojita cheese
Assorted nuts
Dried green beans with salt

Chicken vegetable soup

SF ice cream treat

Mini peppers 

Crackers and butter and hummus (I broke down a little bit, I woke up from my nap and was really hungry and lost a little control)

L/O stir fry 

Scale goes down...scale goes up

Why does it take so long for the scale to go down and such a short time for it to go up? 204 on the scale this morning and I feel the guilt settling in. I have to start all over again. I guess this is what it feels like when you try to quit smoking or drinking. I actually really felt like shit after the weekend. I was in a shitty mood come Monday afternoon and I had little patients for my kids. I know I had too much sugar (hello morning doughnut) and too many carbs. I am also wondering if gluten may be part of my problem. After I ate that pasta yesterday (granted it was whole wheat pasta) my guts were wrecked! I felt so crappy. Then I took a big loose crap and still felt queasy the rest of the day. I have had similar experiences when I eat pancakes or waffles and just recently put 2 and 2 together. Arg! I LOVE pancakes and waffles!

When I went grocery shopping last night I grabbed a bag of these guacamole chips (there were whole grains in there so maybe they were all bad), but I ate the whole bag, I think it was like 16 ounces. I also impulse grabbed yogurt covered raisins, which always give me heartburn, but for some reason I couldn't stop. I only ate a handful before I realized what I was doing.

So today I realized I need to start over. Looking back at last week I am remembering something that may be significant. I had been having that gnawing feeling in my gut, somewhat like hunger, but a little different. I was attributing it to my sugar addiction being broken. I had skipped lunch one day, then I realized that the gnawing feeling in my gut wasn't bothering me anymore. It was like I got used to it. I think I need to get past the ignoring the gnaw stage and move to where it isn't there anymore. I seem to remember a time when my stomach felt normal and I didn't always crave sugar. That was of course before kids.

I am going to exercise tonight at the pool.

January 21, 2015
4 mini egg cups
2 piece turkey bacon
1/2 grapefruit
DC Coffee
2 cup peppermint tea
4 blue cheese stuffed olives (I am convinced that this is the most amazing food ever created!)
Celery and yogurt pesto dip
Sugar snap pea pods
Mini peppers
Meatball (This is the best meatball recipe I have ever tasted. This is a staple in our house, I'll share it some time)
So far so good for today

DC Americano 

Sip of kids hot chocolate 

Chicken vegetable soup (home made)

Few bites of parmasean cheese rind (I used this to season my soup and it was soggy, chewy, and delicious, like parmasean cheese gum)

Pork cutlet maranated in orange juice 

Green bean, black bean, chick pea salad with balsamic vinegar and olive oil dressing 

Swimming workout- 1200 meters for 45 minutes 

After a long weekend of binging

I told you this was coming. It was a 3-day weekend for me and I indulged everyday of it. Pizza on Friday night with wine. Wine and cheese on Saturday night, plus a cocktail at the bar with potato wedges appetizer and soft pretzel sticks. Sunday morning doughnuts with a roll. We went to a friend's house Sunday night to watch football and had ribs with baked potato and raw veggies that I brought. Then they brought out all kinds of goodies that were left over from their Christmas celebration. I ate all kinds of bread this weekend. My husband made whole wheat pita bread. I had part of a chocolate bar and a bunch of other sugar.

So I didn't feel the need to weigh myself this morning. I don't want to know what kind of damage I did. I already know I will have to battle the sugar addiction again. I may also have to battle the alcohol addiction again too. Last night I had a good bit of a bottle of wine and several shots of hard alcohol. The shots come out when I am looking to be drunk and tune out a bit. We put the kids down somewhat early and my husband and I were finally able to sit down and watch a movie together which we haven't done in forever. Plus we had a little time for some pre-sleep exercise.

January 20, 2015
English muffin with butter (I am giving myself an allowance for these until they are gone, I bought them in my carb binge state when I got doughnuts on Saturday)
Grapefruit half
4 egg mini cups
2 piece turkey bacon
DC coffee with half and half
2 cup tea
Almonds + pecans + walnuts
Few pieces of cheese (assorted)
Veggies - mini peppers, celery, carrots, mushroom
SF ice cream treat 

Cheese 

Broccoli and dip

Bread roll

L/O pasta with sauce and peas

2 meatballs

About 3:45 my guts started to flip flop. I took a really loose BM at 4:00 and my guts are still rumbling. Not good! I'm wondering if it was the pasta and bread.

Fruit snack (I know this is bad)

Ham and beans

Roasted broccoli and cauliflower 

A WHOLE BAG OF CHIPS! While grocery shopping!

A few yogurt covered raisins 

At the end of this day I feel lethargic and down on myself for letting thimgs slip. My guts feel ripped up too.

Today is a cheat day

Please forgive me if I indulge today. Well, most of the indulgence will be with alcohol, and maybe bread. It is date night and we are dropping the kids off at a play place then coming home and making dinner with friends. That dinner will be pizza that my husband is going to make. I also plan on drinking some wine. Maybe not as much as I will on Saturday, but some. I am going to have some other food that includes vegetables and a fruit based dessert to keep the crazyness down to a minimum. I am just hoping this doesn't throw everything off.

What I am really afraid of is slipping back to the sugar addiction. I have it somewhat beat, but I get weak. As a real life example, grocery stores get me. I went this morning before work to pick up some things for dinner tonight. I got a coffee (they put a Caribou Coffee in our local grocery store and it is awesome!) and did my shopping. I passed all the road bumps until I went to the gluten free section. I saw these chocolate bars, I picked one up, thought I might devour it, but then thought I will incorporate it into dessert tonight so I don't feel too guilty about it. Then at the check out I had to wait a long time because the woman in front of me had...it's not worth explaining. The point is I had a bunch of time to sit and stare at all the impulse buy items right by the register. I ended up picking up these chocolate covered macadamia nuts. They were only $1! There was 2 and it was dark chocolate. As soon as I got to the car I opened and ate them on the ride home.

I did do some justifying of this impulse.

• Today is my cheat day
• It is dark chocolate
• There are nuts in it

Anyway, not sure if that stuff actually justifies, but I think it goes to show that I fight my sugar addiction every step of every day. 


203 on the scale this morning.

January 16, 2015
Egg cup - with spinich, cheese, bell pepper (assorted)
2 piece turkey bacon
2 cup tea
DC Americano (from Caribou)
DC coffee (Santa's White Christmas)
2 chocolate covered macadamia nuts

Veggiess

Black bean burger

Cheese stick

Pizza

Veggies

3 glasses of wine

Sip of whiskey 

Looking at sweets but not eating them

I LOVE this blog Cake Wrecks! It is funny, disgusting, intriguing and questioning all at the same time. Plus it is all about cake! If I can't eat it why not look at it. Some of these cakes are just covered in frosting. When I see these I can't help but imagine what that thick butter cream would taste like and how it would feel in my mouth. I LOVE frosting! No matter what it looks like. 

I'm not sure exactly how this helps my sugar addiction, if at all, but it is certainly funny. I hope some day I will find a good cake wreck and be able to send in a photo. What is most intriguing to me are the wedding cakes. What are the bakers thinking on some of those? How could they present the bride with such a monstrosity on her special day? Oh, and there is a collection of vagina cakes and other offensive baby shower cakes depicting c-sections. You just have to see it to believe it.

No alcohol on this diet either...until Saturday, and My birthday

Alcohol is a no no on Phase I. Probably because it has a similar effect as sugar on the body, or so that is what I vaguely remember reading in the South Beach Diet book. I haven't read it in several years and when I go back on it I just refer to the meal plans. I struggle a bit with alcohol. Alcoholism runs in my family and I've mentioned this before. I have had several stints where I would go without, seemingly to test myself to see if I could do it. Of course when I was pregnant I went without (except toward the very end when I sneaked a small glass of wine and a few sips of beer). But I've also gone on voluntary abstinence binges (if you can call it that) where I would see how long I could go. I can usually do it, but the thing is when I start up again I find I loose a little self control. Since I don't have access to pot, I find alcohol is the next best thing to get loopy. But you know, the side effects of alcohol are much worse. Sour stomach, headaches, loose bowels...sometimes I really wish pot was legal where I am.

So now I haven't had a drink since January 5, since I got serious with my new eating habits. I am planning on imbibing this weekend.The annual Art's Center Wine and Cheese tasting is Saturday. My husband and I are also going out on Friday without the kids. So I will probably have a drink then. These are cheats I am allowing myself because who is going to go to a wine and cheese tasting with out having wine?

I also have plans to cheat on my birthday, January 29, and our friends have planned a progressive dinner on the 31st. I plan on cheating then as well. I will do my best to select the best things for me, but I'm not going to make any promises.

January 15, 2015
HB egg, 5 slice cheese, 2 slice turkey bacon
Cutie (mandarin orange)
DC coffee
2 cup tea (decaf)
Home made bratwurst
Roasted (warmed up in microwave) Broccoli
Cheese stick
Baby Bell cheese
Mini peppers
Sesame honey candy (this is a little slip, I have these at my work desk and they were too much temptation. Must remove from area)
Nuts

Baby Bell cheese

DC Americano coffee with SF flavor and cream

Acorn squash soup

Tofu grilled cheese (this was my own invention and quite ingenious of i do say so myself)

Motzarella cheese

SF ice cream treat

Couple of grapes

Yesterday I broke down...today is a new day

Yesterday I broke down and had a full slice of bread with a slathering of butter (I've talked about my butter weakness before). And it was store bought bread with added sugar, 12 grain, but that doesn't mean anything really. I have come to mistrust labels that make claims to having healthy grains. They just use nuances in the USDA guidelines to get past saying this is in no way good for you, we just changed the name to make you think you are getting something good for you and so you will buy it. Yes, I have become one of those people who is skeptical about every clam a food product makes. I have seen those documentaries about food and read a couple of books that pull the veil back the claims corporations make on their food products then they say it is up to the consumer to make appropriate choices. How are we supposed to do that when your marketing is programed to deceive!

Anyway, I am having a new day today. Hoping that little set back won't set me back. I am planning on being bad on Saturday (maybe Friday too). The annual Art's Center Wine and Cheese tasting is on Saturday and I plan on breaking the no alcohol rule of Phase I and drinking a lot of wine.


January 14, 2015
Normal breakfast - HB egg, 2 turkey bacon, cheese
2 cup tea
DC coffee with half and half (light)
Cottage cheese
Mashed califlower with parsley
2 baby bell cheeses

2 chicken tenders with mushrooms and onions

4 pretzels

Cheese stick

Pistachios, almonds, pecans

Lick of the spoon of chocolate cake

2 blue cheese stuffed olives

Coconut chicken with bell peppers and snow pea pods

SF ice cream treat

Swimming exercise tonight for 45 minutes 

A week with out sugar or bread

Well, not completely. I have sneaked a very small piece of bread once or twice. I also sneaked a taste of this tasty dessert that my husband made. Just 1 bite. And the piece of bread was the size of my thumb. So I am on my way to breaking the sugar addiction.Refined and added sugar that is. I have been having a few pieces of fruit here and there, but I hardly think that hurts anything.

I have heard that it takes 4 months to actually rid your body of something you are trying to cut out, i.e. gluten, dairy. I'm not sure about sugar, but I know I am still getting cravings. I have been abating them by making sugar free hot chocolate and sugar free hard candies. I also got these sugar free ice cream treats and sugar free fudgecicles. So that satisfies my sweet tooth somewhat. I may be overindulging on cheese a bit. And I'm trying not to take in too many nuts. These things are on my diet, but I need to be sure not to eat too many calories.

I think I am actually at war with sugar. I am looking at labels now and I pulled out all the cereal we have in the house and looked at the ingredients. And we don't have things like Lucky Charms, Cap'n Crunch, Cinnamon Toast Crunch or any of those cereals that are obviously full of sugar. Rice Crispies, Cheerios, and Bran Flakes are what is on the shelf. Sugar is the second or third ingredient in all of these cereals. WHAT! And I have been feeding these to my kids every morning. I do love it when they choose the oatmeal, that I know is just oats (I buy the old fashioned oats, not that flavored stuff in the packets). Last night I bought shredded wheat (not frosted) and the only ingredient is whole wheat. My one kid enjoyed it this morning.

I am also going to task on our soy milk. That has added sugar as well. So I'm trying some unsweetened versions. I already know that unsweetened soy milk doesn't go over well with my family. So, I got cashew milk that is pretty good and coconut milk that I haven't tried yet, but I'm optimistic about it.

203 on the scale this morning
January 13, 2015
3 piece Canadian bacon 
3 piece apple 
4 slice cheese
2 cup tea
Decaf coffee with half and half
Hard boiled egg
2 blue cheese stuffed olives
Baby Bell cheese
Garden salad with blue cheese, balsamic vinegar and olive oil
I BROKE DOWN - FULL SLICE OF BREAD WITH BUTTER
Hand full of nuts (almonds, pecans, walnuts)
Black bean burger
Roasted broccli
SF hot chocolate

The challenge of eating out

CNow that I am on a fairly strict diet, Phase 1, I am faced with challenges when I eat at other places. This weekend we were invited to a football party at a friend's house. I know there will be temptations and things that aren't on Phase 1 there. I am hoping I can make the right choices and avoid the things that will set me back. I am thinking about possibly bringing some of my own food so that I will have that in a cash and when I am tempted by other things on the spread, I can go to my own selection.

I think that is what I will do, I'll make something that fits my diet to the party for everyone and have that as a go-to when other things on the table tempt me. And be sure to skip any cake, cookies, or other tempting sweet treats!

204 on the scale this morning. That's better than 206, but I'm still not betting on the accuracy of my scale.

January 9, 2015:
Same breakfast: Hard boiled egg, 2 turkey bacon, 4 piece cheese
Half grapefruit
Decaf coffee with heavy cream (just a splash)
2 cup tea
5 piece pepproni
1 slice of swiss cheese
3 pieces of mozzarella cheese
Left over turkey breast cutlet with onions, mushrooms, and Swiss cheese 

Nuts

Blue cheese stuffed burger with green beans plus mushrooms and more blue cheese

All the pills I take!

Here is a list of the pills I take in a day.
Pre-natal vitamin (I still have a perscription for these and still breast feeding my kid so I didn't see the harm in continuing to take these)
Flax seed oil (for omega-3)
Calcium
3 fiber pills
Vitamin D
Sometimes I take an allergy pill
Prescriptions: 
Nexium
Singular

January 10, 2015

2 HB eggs

2 cheese sticks

Pea pods

Decaf coffee

3 cup peppermint tea

Raisins just a few

10 or so pretzels 

Taco meat

Cheese (probably more than I should have eaten)

Veggies

Turkey breast cutlet

More veggies 

Green beans 

Sugar free hot cocoa with peppermint 

Keeping track is hard

Well, I may not be able to write everything I eat down. In this blog anyway. While it is a good experiment to try, I think I am failing at it. I can't even seem to write it down in my food journal. Writing down what I eat is a good exercise in being conscious about what I am eating, but the practicality of it eludes me.

How did I get started on writing down what I eat? I used to have a subscription to SHAPE magazine. They have these success stories of weight loss in the magazine. A lot of these success stories start off with the woman (they were always women, this magazine is targeted to women) recording what she was eating and realizing the pitfalls in her diet. So the first time I ever went on a "diet" that is what I started doing. I realized how much sugar I was actually consuming. I was in grad school and I would hide all sorts of candy in my drawer and every time I ate a piece I would write it down. I realized I was eating a lot of candy.

Side note: I LOVE CANDY! I really do. All sorts. I have always said that if my life had taken a different path I would love to work in a candy factory. On the floor helping to make delicious treats like gummy bears and chocolate kisses. Or Cheetos, I'd love to work in the Cheetos factory!

Anyway, writing down what I ate became a habit. I have struggled with how precise to make this list. Do I write the exact amount? Especially when it is something like a bowl of assorted vegetables. Does it really matter how many I eat if they are good for me? I have never been able to count calories, so that is why the amount is so difficult. But maybe that is part of my problem. Over indulgence. I seem to have always had a hard time with portion control. That is what I should probably work on next. I'm like "Little Chrissy" sometimes. (If you don't know "Little Chrissy" watch the John Waters movie "Pecker", it will all be clear then).

January 8, 2015
Breakfast is the same old same old
Hard boiled egg, 2 turkey bacon, 4 slice cheese
Grapefruit half
Vegetables and humus and dressing
Yogurt with stevia sweetener
Turkey cutlet, broccoli, mini peppers, carrots, dressing, peanut butter
Decaf coffee 2 cups
2 cups tea
Cutie (mandarin orange)
1 Hershey Kiss (I sneaked this in, I gave in to temptation)
BBQ pork (left over)

Roasted Brussels sprouts 

Day 2 off sugar

This is going to be hard. I went grocery shopping last night after dinner. I wasn't hungry but I had this gnawing feeling in my gut. Like I was digesting the food I ate. I think my stomach is having to work harder to process the food I am eating. No bread or refined carbs or sugar makes for tougher work on my stomach.

I must say that I was rather proud of myself. I went through the entire store without picking up a treat for myself. In the past I had been getting a sweet treat and walking around the story shopping while I snacked on it. The treat was typically candy of some sort. I passed right by the bin full of Whoppers for $0.88! I was very tempted. However I did pick up some sugar free fudgcicles and some sugar free ice cream treats. I know the fudgcicles are ok (according to South Beach) but I'm not sure about the ice cream treats.

I gobbled one ice cream treat up in the car on the ride home then had another when I was putting the groceries away. It did satisfy my sweet craving, put apparently one wasn't enough. I wish they made a patch for sugar! I quit smoking once and used that nicotine gum. That was brilliant! I can't say I haven't smoked picked up a cigarette since then, but I sure haven't started smoking regularly since then. Maybe you can't equate these things, but addiction is addiction right?

Anyway, I need to press on. Sugar is often hard to avoid, but if I focus on whole foods and nothing refined or processed I should be ok. By the way, we eat natural peanut butter in our house, so the only thing added is salt.

January 6, 2015
Hard boiled egg, 2 strips turkey bacon, 4 slices of cheese from brick
Decaf coffee with light cream
2 cup tea
Vitamins/supplements
cottage cheese
Left over bean side from last night
Left over chicken capri (motz cheese, ricotta cheese, tomatoes) with a few pieces of roasted cauliflower
Shrimp with tomatoes, onion, pepper and peas
Celery with peanut butter

Breaking my sugar addiction

This is tough. I remember the first time I cut out sugar from my diet. On day 3 I was reeling with cravings for that sweet sweet white gold. I eventually got past my cravings and when I had sugar again, I savored it and got a literal high. But eventually I worked sugar back into what I was eating and it didn't effect me as much.

A few months ago, probably spring time, I cut out sugar once more in an effort to loose some weight. I remember the exact moment I fell off the wagon that time. I had gone to Bismarck for work and there was a going away party for an employee. The sister of one of my coworkers had made a cake. This woman makes the most awesomely decorated and delicious cakes, so I wasn't going to skip it. One bite and I knew I was in trouble. Later that day I was high! High on sugar! I got such a rush. I guess it is kind of like drinking, when you are sober for a long time then take a drink you get drunk a lot quicker, your tolerance is low. My sugar tolerance was low and that piece of cake sent me over the edge. My Phase 1 efforts ended that day and I gained back the weight I had lost in the previous months.

Now I am getting back on track with what I should be eating and I'm starting with Phase 1. The South Beach Diet was the first diet plan I ever followed. I did it for the first time in 2005 when I was in grad school and facing the 200 number on the scale. It worked really well for me and it helped me learn what I should be eating. It really gave me a positive overhaul of my diet and a new way of thinking about cooking. So now I face the 206 number on the scale and have set a goal of getting that down to a more reasonable number. I'm not exactly sure what that is yet, but I know 206 is too much. I really just want my jeans to fit better and not feel like I am squeezing into them every time I put them on.

January 5, 2015
Hard boiled egg, 2 piece turkey bacon, 5 slices of cheese from brick (about 1 ounce)
6 grapefruit wedges (you are not supposed to eat any fruit on Phase 1 but I am allowing myself grapefruit because I love it and it isn't too bad as far as sugar content, and we bought a ton of it and need to eat it up)
2 cup decaf coffee (Santa's White Christmas)
2 cup tea
pepperoni (5 round slices)
Almonds and pecans
cheese stick
Circle cheese
Pickle
couple of pieces of potato from leftover pot roast
2 bites pork salad
Left over stir fry
Pistachios
cheese stick
pork salad
small piece of pita with humus
Celery with peanut butter and humus
carrots
cheese
Dinner - Salmon with green bean, edamame, lima beans, soy sauce sesame oil combo.
2 sugar free ice cream treats
Grapefruit
3 piece mozzarella cheese

Let's get back on track

Here we are after Thanksgiving with leftovers being eaten almost every meal since. I indulge on Thanksgiving and make no apologies for it. As such, I've indulged in leftovers as well.But today I want to get back on track. I am looking forward to a vacation in February where I will be wearing a swim suite most of the time and want to feel a little more confident than I do now.

By the way, I got my period, so not pregnant.
So let's start tracking.

Weight this morning 205 pounds.
Breakfast:
Oatmeal with honey and soy milk
2 piece turkey bacon
Grapes
Hard boiled egg
Almonds
Leftover green bean casserole (this is the last of it)
M&Ms (OK this is bad, stop eating these!)