Well...maybe the running thing is not so bad

Ok, so I had a big rant yesterday and was down on my lack of results. I am still bummed about that but I did have a moment yesterday that told me my running stamina is increasing. My kid forgot something at his school after I had already gotten him in the car and buckled into his car seat. For you parents out there you know what a task this is! Car seats are the worst!

Anyway, I told said kid he needed to be quick because we had to go get his sibling and we were running out of time. So we ran! I was reluctant at first because I know I'm slow and I didn't think running was an option. But I did it and I felt good about it. When I got back in the car I was like, wow! I just ran. A few months ago that wouldn't have been an option and I would have been incredibly out of breath. But not that day. So cool, at least that is something right?

Now to take on the challenge of being on a "no talent" soccer league. We will see how that goes.

Oh, and it is a PARTY DAY! My friend and I are going to a Def Leppard concert tonight! So there will be drinking and maybe a post party pizza. I'm not making any excuses tonight.

Exercise = 40 minutes walk/run, running 10 min, 3 min walk then run 10 min again.
Friday August 28, 2015
HB egg
Toast with butter and peanut butter
Cottage cheese + yogurt and HM pear jam
Spinach salad with black olives, blue cheese, pea pods, pesto yogurt gressing
Chicken noodle soup
Wendy's burger and fries, diet coke
Lots of beer and water
Late night pizza
 

Obsess much about what I eat?

For some reason whenever I try and catalog what I have eaten I always think of this old Saturday Night Live skit with Gilda Radner..."What Gilda Ate". That is partly why I chose the title of this blog. She would list all the things she ate that day and would go on and on. I think it may have been a criticism on how thin she was and what people may have been saying about her in the public eye. Her popularity was before my time so I don't know what her fame was like. I saw the skit in a clip from a documentary about her.

But my thoughts were that this sketch reflected something about her personality and that she may have been obsessed with what she ate, as I get sometimes. So she is someone I can relate to in that way. I need to remind myself that food is just food and I don't need to center my life around it....but do I?

Sometimes I just take the attitude that I should just eat what I want, I love food, I like good tasting food and consequences be dammed. But then I don't like the way my clothes fit and I want to loose some weight because I know my knees would feel better and my asthma might be better and I may not have such a hard time with my incontinence issues. But damit! I have been working on this since July and I haven't lost a dam pound! I can't believe that all this exercise isn't doing anything! I put on my jeans the other day because it was cold out and they were tight. So tight that I couldn't stand to wear them all day and had to change into looser fitting pants...sweat pants!

I just don't know what to think. I am starting to think it is my hormones and metabolism changing as I approach 40 and my body not being able to process things as it used to. But I should at least see SOME results! I am ranting I know, but I am just so frustrated right now and very discouraged. This week I have found it extremely hard to get out of bed to exercise. I have only done it twice this week. I keep telling myself at least I am moving, at least I am doing something to stay active. But where are the results DAMIT?!

Exercise = Bike ride, 40 minutes, according to my Fitbit I only burned 165 calories! F***IN-A MAN! Is it even worth it? I wish biking burned more calories! I love it and it is like the least productive exercise.

Thursday, August 27, 2015
HB egg
Cheese
Toast with butter
1/2 Apple
1/2 Pear
Smores cookie
2 Chocolate chip cookies (this is my self indulgent food for comfort thing and I enjoyed every bite of these cookies) 
DC coffee
Crackers and hummus
Ice cream...a lot of it. I sat and ate out of the container for a while and enjoyed every bit!
Cheese stick
More crackers and hummus
Block party food! - we went to a block party down town and scrounged dinner up there
Hot dog with bun, mustard and katchup
Kettle corn
Ice cream bar - chocolate coated
Sample kneflea soup
French fries

A note on alcohol

I have previously mentioned my struggles with alcohol and my questions about how much is too much. Or at what point does someone become an alcoholic. I know I have addictive tendencies in my personality and alcoholism runs in my family.

Then my husband sent me this article. I also sent it to my Dad and he was relieved when he finished it. He has tried Alcoholics Anonymous and it hasn't worked for him. I think in part because he is not a deeply religious man and the root of the 12 steps is based on a belief in God and giving in to the power of God for healing. It would not work for me either. I don't believe in that stuff.

So I have reduced my alcohol consumption in the past couple of weeks. In fact in the last 2 weeks I've had 1 beer, 1 shot, and a faux Margarita (last night). And that is very little for me. So I'm hoping this alcohol reduction will help me shed some weight, along with my exercise program. But nothing yet.

Exercise = none this morning, I thought I'd do better for myself if I got a little more sleep
Wednesday August 26, 2015
HB egg
Kiwi
Toast with butter and HM jam
Cottage Cheese
Sesame sticks
2 cup tea
DC coffee
Cheese stick
Meat stick
Dinner was just BAD! We ate out and I didn't make many smart choices
Fried pickles with ranch dressing
Mushroom Swiss burger with sauteed onions
Onion rings with side of ranch

What is healthy eating?

Here is a story to blow the top off what you think about diets, or rather what you've been told. But I have a conspiracy theory. Coca Cola has invested in food research and has its hand in promoting physical activity as the only way to combat obesity. Did Coke fund the research in this diet story? Is the Global Energy Balance Network out to keep us all fat and just call us lazy?!

So is a calorie just a calorie? Or does the type of calorie count? Are 100 calories of almonds equal to 100 calories of a cupcake? Does your body process them the same? I've seen information that says otherwise. 

Have you seen this?

It is an interesting campaign by Coke to say you need to move more, then you can enjoy more Coke.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Is it a ploy to say, hey we aren't responsible for you being fat, you are just lazy. Well, I sure don't feel lazy these days. I am going on 6 weeks of my new exercise routine/lifestyle change and I still can't fit into my jeans. I am beginning to get discouraged. This morning I slept in. I was exhausted over the weekend and I didn't even do any heavy drinking. I guess I felt like I could use the sleep more than the exercise.

I need a little stimulus to keep me going. Fall is coming quickly to North Dakota and I'd like to be able to fit into my long pants before it gets here. Otherwise I'll be freezing in my shorts all winter.

Exercise = none this morning
Bike 20 minutes - picked up kid from daycare on bike
Monday, August 24, 2015
HB egg
Mozzarella cheese
DC coffee
2 cup tea
L/O chicken salad with corn and red pepper
L/O nachos
Smore cookie
Cheese stick
Meat stick
L/O pork and cucumber k-bob over spinich
Ice cream with chocolate chips

So this blog has become...

As I continue on with this blog I am realizing that it is becoming more about my musings about food, myself, and what I eat than about keeping an actual eating diary. I can keep up with the diary part in the morning but as the day wears on and my kids get home, I am less able to keep track of my eating formally on this blog. So, I'm ok with that if you are.

But today I am draaaaaaaging. I know I felt good the other day when I woke up and ran, but today it is a totally different story. Today I can barely function. I woke up this morning and ran, 20 minutes straight! I was doubtful I could do it, but I did. I am proud of myself, but I don't understand why I have such a lack of energy the rest of the day. I feel like I need a nap. Granted it was a struggle to get up this morning. I contemplated staying in bed, but I talked myself into getting up and going because this is a crazy week and I'm not sure if I will be able to exercise tomorrow or over the weekend.

So here I am, barely awake at the computer.

Exercise = 40 minutes walk/run with 20 minutes straight running
Thursday, August 20, 2015
HB egg
1/2 Kiwi
Slice Swiss cheese
Toast with butter and HM jam
DC coffee
Tea x2
3 graham crackers
L/O Cesar chicken wrap
Peach, banana, yogurt, cashew milk smoothy
Meat stick
Cheetos
Diet Coke
Fig bar
Tacos

Tear me down so I can build myself up

Coming off this sickness has given me some perspective. I felt great after my run yesterday. Exercising in the morning gives me a good feeling throughout the day because I've already gotten my workout in for the day and I don't have to worry about it.

But WHY is biking so much less of a calorie burner than running? I love biking! But according to my fitbit app I burned about half the number of calories as I did on my walk/run. Oh well, at least I am moving right?

Exercise - 40 minutes biking
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
HB egg
Cheese
Apple slices
Peach slices
Tea - 2 cup
DC coffee with whip cream
4 rice crackers
5 jelly beans
Clam chowder can soup
Smore cookie x2
Almonds
Grilled tofu, yellow squash, scallions and mini peppers with cilantro sauce

Oh the aches and pains

So I am on week 5 of the Couch to 5k challenge and my knees are aching! My right knee is sore and I can't bend it all the way. At what point do I give up? Do I push through the aches and pains and hope they will get better? At what point will it get better? Do I go see a doctor?

I've been icing it and stretching, doing yoga, but it still aches. Although it has been better because I am on some pain killers for my TMJ pain. So I haven't noticed it as much. But the ache is still there, I can feel it when I try to bend my knee all the way.

Today I ran 8 minutes straight...twice! This is something that is quite challenging for me. The last 1.45 minutes of each set was the worst. Although, I did feel stronger today for some reason. I thought it would be just the opposite since I have been sick for the past 5 days. I thought I would be struggling today, but maybe my body is ready to get moving again.

Exercise - run/walk 40 minutes

Tuesday August 18, 2015 
Microwave egg in a cup with ham and Swiss cheese
1/2 rhubarb muffin (home made)
Triscuits - about 8
Coffee house DC Americano with 1/2 marshmallow flavor 
Meat stick
Slice Swiss cheese
Smore cookie
Bread with butter
Juice
(I had a low blood sugar attack before dinner, or at least that is what I thought it was. It may have been that they didn't give me a decaf coffee. I was light headed and needed to lay down. So consequently I was eating a bunch of things to try and get my blood sugar back up.)
Chicken salad with red pepper, tomato, feta, and corn
Ice cream with chocolate chips

Still in pain and sick on top of it

So over the weekend I battled the mouth sores of Hand, Foot and Mouth. It was excruciating to eat anything! With my original diagnosis on Friday, I haven't eaten much. I also have a cold that set in hard on Sunday. I was sneezing, nose running, dizzy feeling all day. I powered through it and tried to make a go of it, but it was hard.

I was short with my kids all weekend. One because I was sick and two because my blood sugar was low from not being able to eat anything. When my blood sugar gets low I get cranky. I can't help it, the monster in me comes out. So I'm sure I wasn't a pleasant person to be around this weekend.

But last night I got a good night sleep and woke up feeling somewhat better. I am still congested and the sores in my mouth are still there. But they are healing and I'm not in as much pain as I was over the weekend. I am hoping everything clears up in the next few days so I can get back to normal.

On the plus side, I weighed 208 when I went into the clinic on Friday! That is positive. I was sitting at 210 for so long I was starting to get discouraged with the aches and pain I was feeling from running and biking. I'm thinking with the low calorie intake over the weekend I may have lost some weight and kick started things in a positive direction that way.

No exercise today, recovering from sickness
Monday, August 17, 2015
1/4 rhubarb muffin
Cottage cheese
L/O chicken soup with extra egg noodles
DC coffee
Tea
Trail mix
Smore cookie
Slice Swiss Cheese 

L/O chicken and rice soup

2 home made s'more cookies

Slice Swiss cheese

L/O dinner - chicken pesto burger that I couldn't eat on Friday, green beans, grilled veggies (peppers onion mushroom) 

DQ mini rolo blizzard, mini size (arg! I couldn't help myself, it is grocery shopping night and I get me time while shopping and listening to audio books) 

So it might not be the avocado

Yesterday I woke up in incredible pain. I was holding back tears. My tongue was so sore and irritated and my TMJ (Temporomandibular joint) pain was debilitating. I dropped the kids off to their respective care facilities and went into the walk-in clinic. I have Hand, Foot and Mouth disease! The adult form. Now I can greater empathize with my kid who had it before me and who I got it from. Trust me, you don't want to get this! I can't eat because my tongue has sores all over it. It is hard to swallow and talk, and because of my TMJ pain it is hard to chew.

So I got some pain killers for the TMJ pain and instruction to use oragel for the mouth sores. Let me tell you the oragel isn't cutting it.

So maybe I am not allergic to avocado, that is a good thing. It was just a coincidence that this sickness was coming on right when I was eating a lot of it. I'll try it again after this sickness passes and we will see for sure.

The worst part of this whole thing is that I think my husband has caught Hand, Foot, and Mouth too! If he progresses and starts to feel as much pain as I am in, I know he will be miserable to deal with. As I have been these last couple of days. I was super cranky with the kids this morning and it isn't their fault I am in so much pain. I will need to make it up to them.

Friday August 14, 2015
Tea
PBJ sandwich
L/O pasta with pesto and cheese (couldn't eat much of this because of my mouth pain)
Smoothy from DQ (only drank half because my mouth hurt so much)
Soup
(this is literally all I ate today! my mouth hurts so much I couldn't put anything in it with out it hurting)

Say it ain't so avocado!

I think I have an allergy to avocado! Noooooooo! After I eat it my mouth feels like I've just eaten a whole package of Warheads! Like this guy (he starts eating around minute 2, his tongue starts bleeding at minute 3:50, then at the end his mouth is torn to shreds).

My tongue is sore and my lips are numb. The underside of my tongue is also raw and throbbing. At least I am assuming it is the avocado right now and not some infection like thrush or something. Well I hope it isn't something contagious anyway. The reaction has hung on for a few days now. I ate avocado on Sunday and here it is Wednesday and my tongue still feels numb.

So I also have my TMJ acting up. I mean it even hurts to wear my glasses! I think it may be a result of my mouth being irritated and me constantly moving my tongue around. What ever the case I am in A LOT of pain. Ibuprofen and neproxin don't seem to be cutting through it. I am ok if I don't move my jaw. And that includes eating. I think I am going to be eating smoothies today. Or this may be a good day to do that fasting thing I've been wanting to try. I mean it even hurts to swallow anything


Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Microwave egg bake with ham and cheese
DC coffee
2 cup tea
PBJ sandwich (I thought this would be easy enough to eat, but it was rather painful)
Yogurt smoothy with raspberries, peanut butter, orange juice, stevia, pro-biotics
Teriyaki chicken
Rice and cucumber salad

What is wrong with this picture?

I heard on NPR the other day a story about a woman (Bela Gil) in Brazil who is working to promote healthy, whole, unprocessed food. She posted a photo of the healthy snack she packed for her daughter and was ridiculed and attacked for it. Apparently in Brazil eating processed food is a status symbol. And not shocking that people in that country are getting fatter. Sound familiar America?

I can't believe that people would be so callous as to think that putting sweet potato slices, homemade granola and plantains all natural, no sugar in a kid's lunch would be a terrible thing. But maybe that is what people would think of me too. I have battled my son's school about the sugary snacks they feed them and it is a loosing battle. I am battling state regulations they follow that say they can have 2 sugary snacks a week. So that means pop tarts, toaster strudel and the occasional banana. I have been packing his lunch as well. He is getting vegetables, yogurt with fruit, avocado and hummus sandwiches, whole wheat crackers, cheese. All low/no added sugar stuff. I'd like to pack him nuts sometimes but his preschool is nut free.

I am with you Bela Gil! Even though I can't read your blog because it is in Portuguese, I know you are doing good things to help improve eating habits of Brazil.

Monday, August 10, 2015
McDonalds breakfast - I know, with how I started this post, this is an awful thing to start my day with right? But I had to go to Bismarck this morning for work and I needed to grab a quick breakfast. Egg McMuffin, hash browns, DC coffee with cream and Splenda
Cheese stick
Starbucks DC Americano with light cream, 1/2 shot of caramel syrup (not sugar free)
Ate at "The Walrus" in Bismarck! Delicious! - Roast beef sandwich with horseradish sauce, peppers, onions, and cheese. Hungarian mushroom soup.
Wendy's small chocolate frosty
Wendy's fries
Pesto past with chicken

Ok, ok...this is why diet soda is so bad...I get it.

Alright! Remember when I questioned the difference between diet soda and regular soda when research is quoted as saying "soda" is bad for you and not differentiating. Well, I have been reading and finally get it. This video sums it up pretty well:

This article that I mentioned before also describes why artificial sweeteners are bad and can actually increase your cravings for more sweet stuff. But it is ingrained in me! My parents came for a visit recently and I watched how they ate. My mom uses artificial sweetener in everything. Her water, her coffee, her cereal. This is how I grew up. It is a habit that is ingrained in me from a very young age and it is challenging to break.

So NOW what about seltzer water?  I drink the stuff that says there is nothing in it. No sweetener, only light flavor. This stuff:

So am I doomed?

Friday August 7, 2015
HB egg
2 cup tea
Cheese
Avocado
Grapes
Watermelon
Bowl of sugar filled cereal and cashew milk (I know, it was in the house left over from my kid's birthday party, but oh it was so good)
Almonds
Pretzel goldfish crackers
Leftovers 

Is this the root of my not being able to loose weight?

So I read this article "5 Factors That Make You Pack On Pounds" and you know what started to make sense to me? When companies use antibiotics and growth hormones they transfer into the meat we (the royal we) eat. How has this never occurred to me before? It makes sense doesn't it? The same things they are using to make pigs, cows and chickens fat for slaughter are the same things that are making me fat.

Well with this new perspective I am becoming a more savvy shopper. I am looking for anti-biotic free, hormone free meat. And I need to hope that the labels I am reading at the grocery store are truthful. Because as you know the food industry can be misleading. They can leave out certain key terms that to the lay person seem ok, but technically they may be finding some loop hole to poison you another way.

I started buying grass fed beef from a local farmer at the farmer's market.I bought a couple of chickens from her too.

I also need to be wary about the pesticides on the items I buy. But that is hard. How am I supposed to know unless I buy organic. And everyone knows that organic stuff hits the pocket book hard.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015
L/O breakfast sausage
HB egg
Cheese
3 strawberries
Scooby snacks and nutella
Spinach salad with avocado, tomato, and pesto/yogurt dressing
Triscuits and hummus
Piece Swiss cheese
Puppy chow snack mix

I just shouldn't pull out the scale

So I'm on week 2 of my exercise turnaround and I am still at 210. I should just throw the scale out the window. I am working on the sugar detox and did pretty well yesterday. But we have peaches in the house and my husband will be making a delicious peaches and cream pie this weekend. So another home made dessert that I don't want to miss.

Continuing to see that number on the scale is discouraging, but really, I've told myself that shouldn't be my focus. But what else do I have to measure by? I need something that shows my incremental gains. I know I won't fit into my pants right away, so loosing pounds/ounces is the only thing I have to go by at first.

I am not feeling stronger as a runner yet. And maybe that will never come (I probably shouldn't even expect to), this Week 2 of the couch to 5K has been challenging. Week 3 sounds it will be a bit grueling with 3 full minutes of running. I was dragging this morning with just 90 seconds of jogging. Maybe I can repeat Week 2 if I feel I can't make it.

Monday July 20, 2015
Bagel, 1/2 with butter 1/2 with cream cheese
L/O fritatta
2 piece pork bacon
2 cup tea
SF Hot chocolate
2 mini raspberry strudel (not part of my sugar detox) 
(I ate much more today, but I didn't keep track and it is past time to remember)