A note on my weight

I am over weight. I have been most of my life.However, I have decided to OWN my weight. But, I don't like having to go out and buy new clothes in bigger sizes. That kind of kills me. But to OWN my weight the way I want to I must look and feel good in my clothes. And that means not wearing things that are too small and that don't flatter my body.

I listen to "The Moth" a radio show/podcast where people get up and tells true stories from their life. This one story from Jennifer Kohnhorst really spoke to me. She talked about loving your body, you are your body and when you hate your body you hate the thing that makes you you. So here I am! I'm going to love my body, everything it has done for me and I'm going to OWN it.

I went to a party with friends a few nights ago and my girl friends commented on my looks. I haven't lost any weight, I just decided to own my body and my look that night. And I'm guessing it showed. It made me feel good that people complemented me as I am.

I am going to try and respect my body more. Not fill it with junk, nor over indulge in things I know aren't good for me. But I'm not going to deprive myself of pleasures either. If I want a sweet treat, I'm going to have it and enjoy it to the fullest. I also want to be stronger. So I'm starting to pay attention to my activity level and try and increase it in fun ways with my kids. Last night I danced in my bedroom with them while they jumped on the bed. It wasn't much, but is was something and it got me over my steps goal for the day. Right now it is only at 10,000, but we will see about increasing that soon.

203 on the scale this morning.

Wednesday March 25, 2015
Oatmeal with blue berries
Bite of cinnamon roll
DC coffee with half and half
2 cup weightless tea
1 oz cheese
Apple
2 HB eggs
7 pieces pepperoni 

Goldfish crackers 

Slice Swiss cheese 

Lettuce

Turkey taco salad 

Reese's peanut butter egg

I've joined the Fitbit cult!

My Fitbit arrived yesterday! I was really confused when I got it because it came with zero instructions. A small instruction booklet read "read these instructions" "follow these instructions" "keep these instructions" but there was no actual instruction on how to use the dam thing in the "instruction" booklet. Not even how to charge the darn thing.

But I went to the website, got the app and synced it up. Turns out you need to go online to get the instructions. I am jazzed about the calorie counting feature. I have never been able to count calories. Keeping track of what I am eating has been a challenge. But to actually figure out the calories, forget it! But the calorie counter on the Fitbit app seems easy to use. You can look up foods and log in your serving size. This is where I may find some pitfalls too. I don't measure stuff out when I eat, portion control is another one of those challenges. But I am excited to use this part of the app and I know it will help me create awareness of my eating habits. Like I intended to do with this blog.

I have an ipod touch, not a smart phone. So I am limited with the tracking abilities because the ipod touch only gets online when you are connected to WiFi. But honestly I don't think this will be a problem. I don't really want a smart phone. 

Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Oatmeal with strawberries and splash of cashew milk.
2 decaf coffee
2 weightless tea
L/O saute cabbage with shredded apple and balsamic vinegar
Veggies and hummus
Assorted nuts

Goldfish crackers 

Slice Swiss cheese

6 Saltine crackers 

Black bean chili in a small tortilla bowl

6 robin egg candies

3 shots vodka

2 glass wine

Fear of low blood sugar

I have this thing about going too long with out eating and letting my blood sugar get low.When my blood sugar gets low I tend to make poor choices about what I eat. I also get cranky and snap at my loved ones. Mainly my husband.

We were once traveling to visit my husbands family and we were getting to a point where we needed to either stop and get something or it would be 2 hours before the next town and way beyond eating time. Our only choice was a gas station. He wanted to go on, and I snapped at him "You Know ME!" I needed to eat!. So we stopped and got cheese sticks and Luncables. Not the best food, but it got me by.

I realized when I went on the South Beach Diet for the first time in grad school that I needed to have healthy snacks available to maintain a steady blood sugar level throughout the day. Almonds are a good choice for me. Also cheese sticks (although I may need to back off on these due to their addictive nature).

So my goal is to healthy snack to maintain my blood sugar but not over indulge so as to sabotage things.  

Monday, March 23, 2015
Oatmeal with frozen raspberries and banana
DC coffee with whip cream
2 weightless tea
Couple of bites of L/O cinnamon roll
Assorted nuts
5 piece cheese
L/O quiche
Piece of L/O pot roast
Tuna and crackers

Banana muffin

Pinto beans and rice 

1 glass wine

I eat a lot of cheese

I LOVE cheese! I will put it on anything. I think my love of cheese has sabotaged many a healthy eating habits I have tried to implement. The South Beach Diet says you can eat cheese, but in moderation. That is my downfall, moderation has always been a problem for me. Then I read this article and see myself all over it. "Dairy Crack"! yep, I can relate.

I know I am susceptible to addiction. That is why I've never tried cocaine. I know I struggle with my alcohol  consumption and whether it would be considered an addiction or not. I do have certain trigger foods that lead to over eating. Oreos are a big one. When my husband was out of town a week ago I bought some at the store and ate the whole package in 4 days. That's a lot of cookies. Oddly enough, I didn't find it extremely hard to quit smoking. Maybe that is because I did it for love. My husband hates smoking and smokers and when we were dating I really wanted to keep him. 

I became lactose intolerant in my early 20s. I discovered this one time when I moved to a new place for a job. I got in late and there was a Pizza Hut next to the hotel where I was staying. I ordered one of those stuffed crust pizzas and devoured most of it. I got the shits shortly after that and gut wrenching pains. I soon started to have the same reaction when I drank milk or had ice cream. That is when I cut out dairy.

As time went on I found I could eat certain cheeses. After many years, I slowly started incorporating more dairy into my diet. Ice cream started to not be a problem as did most varieties of cheese. I still can't drink milk, but I don't seem to have a problem with mozzarella anymore. So what happened? I don't know. But I do know that my cheese consumption now is what may be keeping me from dropping pounds.

I may also be perpetuating this cheese love in my kids. They ask for a snack and the first thing I offer is a cheese stick. IDK, I don't see it as bad really. I mean it isn't lased with sugar, right!? But according to that cheese addiction article I may be introducing them to an opiate.

March 20, 2015
Oatmeal with cashew milk, frozen raspberries, blue berries, banana
HB egg
DC coffee
2 cup weightless tea
Bagel chips and balsamic mayo
L/O quiche

(This is the quiche that I made last night)
L/O couscous with chicken, balsamic vinegar and olive oil
Rye bread with butter

Goldfish crackers 

3 pieces of cheese

Spegetti with maranated sauce, Parmesan cheese 

Home made sausage 

4 shots alachol 

Glass of wine

Fasting?

Recently I've been interested in the idea of fasting. Apparently mini fasts and this 5:2 diet has been a fad for a while that I haven't picked up on. I'm am always skeptical of weight loss fads, you have to be. But this is intriguing to me and I want to learn more about it. A friend posted this article on Facebook and he has been doing this for a few years now. I need to ask him how it has worked for him.

I don't really like the idea of fasting. I think one of my eating issues is a bit of a fear of being hungry and having low blood sugar. I don't want to do it. But taking the first step is always the hardest. This would probably be something your body would get used to. I'm not sure where to start, I don't want to just fast willy-nilly, I'd like to have some structure to it. I also wonder how it would affect my family. I'm not going to make them fast. Firstly my kids are young and I don't want to impact their nutrition. Secondly, my husband does not need to loose weight.


March 19, 2015
Oatmeal with walnuts, blue berries, and cashew milk
Decaf coffee
2 cup weightless tea
Cucumber salad
Handful almonds
Crackers and chicken salad, balsamic mayo
L/O couscous with tomatoes, edamame, chick peas, carrots
4 chocolate covered blue berries

Granola bar (this probably had a lot more sugar than I would like to acknowledge)

Salad with balsamic vinegar and olive oil

Cutie
Quiche (this thing had a lot of half and half) with leeks, spinach, feta, pie crust
Roasted potatoes
Green beans
1 chocolate caramel 

Ok, need to get back on track

Arg! I think I need a cleanse or something. My guts are all torn up since we got back from Mexico (end of February). This seems like a long time to have this happening. I went to the doctor and got a prescription to help clear things up. But I thought I would do the yogurt and pro biotic thing to try and sort it out on my own. I know I need to sugar detox again. That will be a challenge. Last week I binged on Nutella and crackers.

I am just coming off my period and feel like I can tackle things anew. I also need to get back into my once a week swimming routine. We now have a Family Fitness Center membership and I just ordered a Fitbit (it should be here next week). So here is to getting back into a fitness swing.

Our lives got shaken up a little when our daycare provider closed last week with 3 days notice to find a new place by Monday. Good news is I found a place for the kids and it is near our house. I've decided to walk the kids to daycare so I will be getting some steps in then. I wonder if that Fitbit works when you swim and bike because those are the exercises I like to do most.

March 18, 2015
Oatmeal with pecans, raspberries, cashew milk, stevia
Bagel chips with hummus (and some mayonnaise, I know this sounds a little gross but it has balsamic vinegar in it and it tastes really good) 
Almonds
Smoothie - banana, mango, orange, yogurt, cashew milk, ground flax seed
Decaf coffee with whip cream
2 cup weightless tea

Potato salad 

Gold fish crackers 

Peppers onion taco meat

Cheese several pieces

Chicken salad 

2 chocolate caramel 

4 shots flavor vodka 

3 glass wine