Something needs to change with accessibility to guns

I'm done! I'm done supporting gun rights. Yes, me and my husband hunt and we have several shot guns safely locked away, but if having these guns means allowing psychos who want to kill people to have guns too, I'm willing to give them up. 

Something needs to change in this country. I can't believe that mass shooting have become common place and some of the targets have been the most innocent, children. I have now begun to fear for my own family's safety. Below is a letter I sent to Heidi Heitkamp and my other senator/rep. I urge you to write to your representatives in Congress and let them know how you feel about this issue. The gun lobby can't keep blaming mental health and we can't continue to be complacent. Action needs to be taken and out voices heard. 

Dear Heidi Heitkamp,

Enough is enough with this gun violence. I am a supporter of gun rights, I really am, but the recent mass shooting in San Bernardino has put me over the edge. Our country has experienced so many mass shootings that people are dealing with these events on a regular basis. This should not be the case.

I am beginning to live in fear for me and my family’s safety. North Dakota is not immune to this. There was the shooting at a wedding reception in New Rockford a few months ago. That shouldn’t have happened. People should be able to attend joyful events without thinking about the potential of dying. How are we going to keep guns out of the hands of people who have the potential to kill others? How can we keep our communities safe?

Last week I had a real breakdown, this was before the San Bernardino shooting. I dropped my son off at pre-school here in Jamestown. I forgot to bring his heavy coat for when they play outside. When I returned to drop off his coat I simply walked into the school, unnoticed, walked into the classroom, unnoticed again and dropped off his coat in his cubby. As I did this I looked around at the kids playing and realized how vulnerable they were. What if I were someone with a gun and mal intentions to kill a bunch of kids? I went home and cried, my thoughts of losing my son to such violence consumed me. The fear and the feeling of loss were real at that moment and I was in hysterics all morning.

Yes you can say this is a security issue on the school’s part, but really, should we even have to worry about a situation like this?

I am supporting gun control now. Solutions need to be found and the gun lobby can’t keep blaming mental health. I support guns for hunting. All other weapons need to be regulated and strict background checks made (for hunting weapons included). I don’t know exactly what the solution is, but we do need to look beyond our borders to other countries who don’t have these instances of mass murder to see how their gun laws protect their citizens.

Having this fear is disturbing and frightening, and living in fear of your fellow Americans is no way to live free.

Thank you for your time,

Jennifer P. Kross

Meatless night

I have been going meatless more and more often. My kids love tofu, or "tofood" as they call it. Last night I fried up some tofu with a Tastefully Simple orange ginger saracha sauce. It was pretty good and the kids ate it up. My son is deviating more and more away from meat. He didn't eat any turkey on Thanksgiving and when I put meat on his plate he struggles to eat it. I'm not sure what that means exactly, hot dogs he will devour. I refuse to make a separate meal for him. He can eat what I make or go hungry. Does that make me a mean mommy? 

Frying up Tofu

On the side we had mashed cauliflower and broccoli. I've done this with just cauliflower before, but I thought I'd throw in some broccoli to see how it worked. A little butter, parm cheese and it worked pretty well. The kids enjoyed it, and that is usually the barometer in our house.

Mashed broccoli and cauliflower

Guts and gas

I'm contemplating seeing a dietitian. Although, I'm not exactly sure where to find one in my town. My guts are ruined. It may be my eating habits lately. I keep telling myself I'm going to turn things around and eat better. But it hasn't happened yet. I also keep telling myself I'm going to do an elimination diet, but that is challenging. Do I get the rest of the family involved with this experiment? And why start this now during the holiday season when great, indulgent food is abundant and prolific.

It wouldn't be too hard to eliminate dairy, although I do love cheese and eat a lot of it.The other stuff, well, I guess I'd just have to prepare. Bread and gluten would be very challenging, but I guess I'd just have to do a lot of prep and have veggies cut and ready to pull out of the fridge and eat.

I am officially on a junk food binge

Junk food! I typically have the will power to stay away from it, but while grocery shopping last night I found myself purchasing potato chips and corn chips. I just couldn't seem to help myself.

These things are delicious by the way

Maybe it is the whole Thanksgiving thing and I'm getting ready for a fun and food filled holiday. I can't say. Part of it may also be that I'm feeling sick no matter what I eat these days. My guts have been reeling with gas lately and I can't figure out what is doing it. Yesterday I ate a spinach salad and my guts turned inside out. The other day I ate McDonald's and my guts ached (no surprise but still).

Last night I ate up all the french fried onions that were supposed to be for the green bean casserole for Thanksgiving. These things are like the most dangerous food ever made. They are addictive. Plus I've been snacking on the candies I bought to fill the kids' Christmas countdown calendar. Hershey kisses and peanut butter cups. I'm going to hell!

I also got a bit wasted last night. I drank quite a bit and smoked a little. So that probably accounts for the munchie factor.
But the good news is...I got a new hair cut!

What does Jesus have to do with it?

This isn't a food related post, but it is something that eats at me and I need to vent. Thank you blog for being that venue. I also can't discuss this with my husband because it involves a sensitive event, his grandmother's funeral service.

So as an agnostic (agnostic not atheist because I simply can't say for myself that I have proof there is or is not a god, but I am not denying his/her existence) my view points about religion are aloof, in that I don't care to subscribe to any religion and I respect the views of others and where they desire to place their faith. I expect similar respect in return. However, I get very defensive and offended when someone tries to witness to me and tell me that I am not a good person because I don't believe in god or that Jesus was the son of god and died for our sins.

And that is where I ran into a problem at my grandmother-in-law's funeral. As the pastor began to talk about how grandma accepted Jesus into her heart and now walks in the kingdom of heaven he also turned the sermon into a bashing of those who have sinned and do not accept Jesus as the son of god. I found my self in tears, but I'm not sure the tears were shed for the loss of grandma. The tears were shed because of the attack I felt on my beliefs.

The sermon went something like this: In a discussion grandma had with the pastor she questioned whether she had been a good enough person to be accepted into heaven. Pastor told her that if she accepted Jesus into her heart and that he died on the cross for her sins that would be enough. I believed that is what she believed and how she wanted to picture her afterlife. However, the Pastor proceeded to tell the people assembled that they needed to do the same and that no amount of goodness or kindness on my/our part would be enough if we didn't accept the "fact" that Jesus was our savior.

I CALL A BIG B.S. ON THAT SHIT! Give me a break! So simply being a good person isn't good enough to be rewarded in the afterlife (what ever that may be)! That I can be a total SHIT in life but if I accept that Jesus died for my sins I have an automatic ticket to heaven (whatever you believe that might be). That type of talk makes me upset!

I'm not sure exactly what the motives of this pastor were, if he was trying to convert anyone present or just reassuring those who already accept Jesus, but come on! Was this the place to pull that move?
What about recognizing that everyone present may not subscribe to that mantra and that they have different beliefs about how their current life will be rewarded when they pass on.

My mantra, be a good person, kind, trustworthy, loyal and you will be rewarded by the memories you leave with others. You will be remembered positively and that is how you will live on. I do believe in redemption and second chances. I refuse to believe that the life I live isn't good enough to lead to a positive, heavenly afterlife. I believe sin as defined by...well the bible I guess...is inevitable but you don't need to believe that the "son of god" absolves all of that because he is dead. No one entity should have to bare that burden. I believe that you should be responsible for yourself and take responsibility for your actions and if those actions are "sinful" that is all on you and you alone should be accountable.

With that I again state that I refuse to believe that my life isn't good enough! I refuse to believe that by living my life as a good, honest person with some indiscretions here and there negates my right to have a free and inspiring impact when I die. I will not live my life tied to an entity and believing something that has little basis in truth or reality (as I see it).

And I will teach my children to think for themselves and guide them to believe what corresponds to their needs and sense of reality. And that isn't a bad thing. Here is a good article to help drive home my point.  
"When these teens mature into “godless” adults, they exhibit less racism than their religious counterparts"

So how is that FitBit thing going?

You may be asking, "hey Jen, how is that FitBit thing going for you?" Well, since I quit the couch to 5K I haven't been paying much attention to it. Oh I keep it charged and I wear it, but I'm not as conscious of it as I was in the past. I try and keep track but I've just lost the will I suppose.

So now I'm just making do.

Recovering again!

Well, as I predicted Halloween was a blow out of food, booze and smoke. 

I was totally hung over on Sunday and could barely function. Good thing I have a compassionate husband. He took care of the kids most of the day while I nursed a headache and sour stomach. I barfed and my kid ran to my husband saying..."mommy's throwing up". Yes dear mommy was throwing up. I was able to take a good nap and woke up somewhat functional.

However, come Thursday and I still felt like I was recovering. As 40 approaches I'm more and more aware that my body is less able to recover from such episodes of debauchery.  I am also aware that it is going to take a lot more than sitting on my bum and eating junk to shed these unwanted pounds.

I'm also coming to the conclusion that I'm on a slippery slope to a very unhealthy lifestyle. My guts have been twisted for a while now. I'm having a constant gnawing feeling that is on the verge of nausea. I've been eating a lot of carbs and pasta lately, buying Cheetos and other junk, there are left over Oreos in the cupboard that keep calling me, and I've been making excuses to eat fast food (i.e., Taco Bell and McDonald's). Yesterday I bought fried chicken tenders from the grocery store deli and I swore off fried chicken a long time ago, meaning this was the first time I've had fried chicken in like 10 years.

Where to go from hear. I've been thinking of an extreme solution, meaning gluten free and no carbs. I'll need to be strong and find ways to help the family cope with this decision. I am also thinking of going dairy free too. I know, the no cheese thing is going to kill me and I probably don't want to start that until after the "Wine and Cheese" tasting event at our Arts Center.

Let's see where this goes.